Pandemic Parenting Continued: Togetherness & Space
By Nina Cason, LCSW
Co-Founder of Hirt Psychology
www.hirtpsychology.com
Togetherness
Human beings are tribal creatures. Our ancestor’s survival depended on collaboration to hunt for the next meal or to take care of the lurking predator outside of the cave. A deep yearning for belonging and interconnection is a part of our genetic make-up, children and adults alike. However, as of late, our communal spirit and sense of togetherness may be dampened, as a result of social distancing, virtual learning, virtual working, new stressors, and societal turmoil. Additionally, we live in a culture that places great value on self-reliance and individualism. With all of that being said, we should reflect on the fact that we really do need each other. And likewise, children and adults need to feel needed and that their existence plays an important role in their family, peer group, church, school, extracurricular activity or community etc. Some mental health experts assert that having regular family meals can be the most important thing done to promote mental health among children and other members of the family.
Connecting with others and feeling a part of is essential to humans, young and old, especially during stressful and uncertain times.
Take Away & Tips About Togetherness:
-Children (and adults!) need meaningful connections with others. It fosters mental and emotional health and can be a buffer during stressful times.
- Elicit conversations with your children about little anecdotes from each other’s day and encourage the expression of feelings.
-Give children an important responsibility (start small) that helps the family out (e.g., feeding the dog). Emphasize to your child the important role that it plays in contributing to the family as a whole.
-Connection comes from a sense of belonging in the family, peer group, religion, community, neighborhood, extracurricular groups, and from participating in meaningful activities with others.
-Some examples of activities that can foster connective ness: family meals, games (e.g., hide-and-go-seek, board games, & sports), exercising or walking together, talking in the car (e.g., playing eye spy or talking about each other’s day), drawing or coloring, building a fort or working on some other project together, talking to peers, sharing a laugh, and cooking together.
-Teach your kiddos about taking care of our community and the Earth (e.g., the importance of not littering, recycling, & not being wasteful etc.) Discuss how we are a part of the human race and it is important to do our part in taking care of our community and the planet.
-Visit or do something nice for your neighbor or an elderly family member with your kiddos.
-Continue or start family traditions. Also, try and keep holiday traditions this year, even if they have to be modified, or make new traditions and ask for input from the kiddos about what would make the holidays special.
Privacy and Space
Like social connectedness, having enough space (physical, social, and emotional) and privacy is also a real human need, even for kids. We all need personal downtime to recoup and be with our thoughts and feelings alone. The amount of space and privacy needed varies depending on your kiddo’s age as well as their personal preference; preteens and teens require more privacy and time away from their parents and this is developmentally appropriate. Even younger children need space from their parents, and likewise parents need space from their children too! This is part of what has made the virtual learning/working stressful for some people; it is just too much togetherness and too much blurring of space and roles. The current changes in our society have broken down the typical ways we would normally obtain important time for ourselves. While it may not seem like much, jamming out on the drive to work or the hours when our children would normally be in school allow us to recharge our batteries and practice self-care. As parents, we are tasked with the important job of teaching our kids how to function independently so that they can go out into the world on their own one day. Teaching them to express their need for space and privacy is an important part of parenting.
Take Away & Tips About Space:
-Having space, privacy, and personal downtime is essential to everyone, even kiddos, and parents.
-Encourage or set aside time for independent play and downtime. Also, encourage activities other than electronics: reading, coloring, listening to music, playing with toys, doing puzzles, journaling, or doing art projects, etc.
-Allow your child to have a place that is their own sanctuary (e.g., their room or a part of the room if they share one). Let them know that this is their space to unwind and encourage them to make space their own, by picking out decorations or having a say in how the room is arranged.
-For virtual school, if possible, provide children with a designated space (even if it is a corner of a room) that is specifically for their academics.
-Talk to your kids about how it is appropriate to ask for space or alone time and respect their request for privacy (within an age-appropriate level).
- Model good boundaries around asking for downtime and privacy. For example: “When I sit in this chair to do my crocheting, I will be relaxing for the next 30 minutes.”
-Knock before entering your child’s room or when they are in the bathroom. Discuss and give verbal reminders when necessary about privacy for dressing and bathroom etc.
-Teach children about taking responsibility for their own space. For example, making their bed or picking up their toys.
Nina Cason, LCSW
Hirt Psychology
678-758-0616
2727 Paces Ferry Road SE, Building One (PACES WEST)
Atlanta, Georgia 30339
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